So BEDUS ("Blog Every Day Until SpringBreak") officially starts tomorrow, but I had some time and I was doing some cleaning and unpacking while rocking out to ALL CAPS/Ministry of Magic (I'm absolutely obsessed with "World of Warcraft Ruined My Life" and "Lily" at the moment). It has suddenly hit me that this is my last semester of college and excuse my language, but that scares the frack out of me. I know I'm going to be going to school for the next couple of years, but I've always surrounded myself with friends with kooky personalities and diverse interests and soon, I'm going to be around chem nerds ALL THE TIME.
[[Disclaimer: many of my friends are chem nerds, so I guess that wouldn't be too different, and I myself, am a chem nerd, so it's not like I'm prejudiced or anything, but it seems weird to suddenly be confining myself to one area of study for the next four or five years.]]
"But Angela, aren't you already doing that with your major?"
Yes, but in college, I also took classes about music, language, food, the performing arts, philosophy, and sexuality and I'm scared to give that sudden freedom up. I'm never going to have the opportunity to browse through these awesome classes, pray that I get into the cool seminar that I want, and coffee it up with my professor who's helping me write a play. I know graduate school isn't necessarily the "real world" yet, but it feels more real to me than anything I've known so far. It's a scary concept. Exciting, but terrifying.
That's probably why I don't want to leave the safety net of my room today, and why I've been spending so much time cleaning and organizing. I've always been a little bit afraid of change, and the one that's coming is going to be huge. Writing it down here makes it seem all the more real, and as I sit, on my still unmade bed snuggling up to my monkey snuggie, I feel my heart beating faster, the blood pounding in my ears. It's the feeling you get right before you say "I love you" for the first time, before you press the "submit" button for an application, before you jump of a mountain on a hang glider. I just have to push past that tiny, paper-thin barrier of change-phobia, and everything will be fine.
[[Disclaimer: many of my friends are chem nerds, so I guess that wouldn't be too different, and I myself, am a chem nerd, so it's not like I'm prejudiced or anything, but it seems weird to suddenly be confining myself to one area of study for the next four or five years.]]
"But Angela, aren't you already doing that with your major?"
Yes, but in college, I also took classes about music, language, food, the performing arts, philosophy, and sexuality and I'm scared to give that sudden freedom up. I'm never going to have the opportunity to browse through these awesome classes, pray that I get into the cool seminar that I want, and coffee it up with my professor who's helping me write a play. I know graduate school isn't necessarily the "real world" yet, but it feels more real to me than anything I've known so far. It's a scary concept. Exciting, but terrifying.
That's probably why I don't want to leave the safety net of my room today, and why I've been spending so much time cleaning and organizing. I've always been a little bit afraid of change, and the one that's coming is going to be huge. Writing it down here makes it seem all the more real, and as I sit, on my still unmade bed snuggling up to my monkey snuggie, I feel my heart beating faster, the blood pounding in my ears. It's the feeling you get right before you say "I love you" for the first time, before you press the "submit" button for an application, before you jump of a mountain on a hang glider. I just have to push past that tiny, paper-thin barrier of change-phobia, and everything will be fine.
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