It's a week into a the new year and I've been thinking about resolutions personal goals for the year. Looking back at last year's resolutions, I think I can say that I did pretty good on doing the things I set out for myself (particularly the baking toward the end of the year). I say yes more often then I say no when it comes to new experiences and social gatherings now. I ran a 5K in October of last year, which is impressive to me because I still sort of hate running. I even went on runs and hikes during my winter break home. I still need to work on drinking more water but that will probably be a lifelong thing.
For me, 2013 was the year of independence. It was the year that I kinda finally got a steady job (read: picked a lab), where I signed my first lease, where I got to furnish a room, got a bike, and committed to semesterly bus passes. I started buying food for myself on a regular basis and went to my first concert that I sought out and bought tickets for (I think. I saw both the Flobots and Macklemore. Also my first hip hop concert.) I learned what I liked and who I was outside of the "high school context" or the "college context." I stopped being afraid of stepping out of line and let loose a little more. Even though I am not fully involved in the 401K real world yet, where my community won't be so easily carved out for me, I feel like I've stepped foot in the door and have started to be able to make more definitive decisions about what I want with my life. And I realized that if I motivate myself, I can carve out a pretty good life for myself.
However, I have realized that in this search for myself, I have started to leave the most important people to me behind. Living across the country from those you love is hard, and I thought if I could show that I was doing well and keeping busy, I could prove that no one back home needed to worry about me. I also hoped, I think, that if I didn't think about anything important, nothing important would change. We all do this right? Try to paint our lives with vibrant colors and take snapshots of the happiest moments so that our stories seem brighter and more beautiful. The dark thoughts, the scary scenarios, have no power if you don't let them take hold, and the only way for me to really be able to sleep at night was to not think about the what-ifs, to focus on the now and to not think at all. But time ticks on whether you notice or not and my plan to keep myself from getting hurt has also led me to keep those that I care most for at arms length.
2014 will be the year that I reconnect, with family and with friends. Though I would like to eat better and be healthier this year, as in every year, if I were to set one personal goal it would be to stay in touch with everyone who is important to me. Amid the craziness that is to happen in my career (qualifying exam!), I want to appreciate and show appreciation for those who have gotten me to where I am now. Without you, I would be completely lost, and I don't think I can ever stop needing the love and support you give to me.
So thank you, anyone and everyone who has been there for me in my 23.5 years of life. And let it be known that this year, we are going to rock it out.
For me, 2013 was the year of independence. It was the year that I kinda finally got a steady job (read: picked a lab), where I signed my first lease, where I got to furnish a room, got a bike, and committed to semesterly bus passes. I started buying food for myself on a regular basis and went to my first concert that I sought out and bought tickets for (I think. I saw both the Flobots and Macklemore. Also my first hip hop concert.) I learned what I liked and who I was outside of the "high school context" or the "college context." I stopped being afraid of stepping out of line and let loose a little more. Even though I am not fully involved in the 401K real world yet, where my community won't be so easily carved out for me, I feel like I've stepped foot in the door and have started to be able to make more definitive decisions about what I want with my life. And I realized that if I motivate myself, I can carve out a pretty good life for myself.
However, I have realized that in this search for myself, I have started to leave the most important people to me behind. Living across the country from those you love is hard, and I thought if I could show that I was doing well and keeping busy, I could prove that no one back home needed to worry about me. I also hoped, I think, that if I didn't think about anything important, nothing important would change. We all do this right? Try to paint our lives with vibrant colors and take snapshots of the happiest moments so that our stories seem brighter and more beautiful. The dark thoughts, the scary scenarios, have no power if you don't let them take hold, and the only way for me to really be able to sleep at night was to not think about the what-ifs, to focus on the now and to not think at all. But time ticks on whether you notice or not and my plan to keep myself from getting hurt has also led me to keep those that I care most for at arms length.
2014 will be the year that I reconnect, with family and with friends. Though I would like to eat better and be healthier this year, as in every year, if I were to set one personal goal it would be to stay in touch with everyone who is important to me. Amid the craziness that is to happen in my career (qualifying exam!), I want to appreciate and show appreciation for those who have gotten me to where I am now. Without you, I would be completely lost, and I don't think I can ever stop needing the love and support you give to me.
So thank you, anyone and everyone who has been there for me in my 23.5 years of life. And let it be known that this year, we are going to rock it out.
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