I didn't sleep well last night. Maybe I was too warm because I kept waking up all sorts of thirsty. Regardless, I feel remarkably out of sorts today. I haven't felt this way in a long time, maybe since high school or the early years of college. It's the kind of day where I don't feel like talking to anyone, where I'm not happy, but I don't know why. I can turn the feeling off when I'm in class or have to interact with people, but the moment I am alone, all I really want to do is lie in my bed and listen to sad music. There's this sinking feeling in my chest that I know didn't come from the coffee I drank this morning, and if I close my eyes, my thoughts look like dark blue knots of water, if that makes any sense.
This feeling is different from my "need to recharge" feeling. Recharging for me usually consists of watching fun movies or fangirling over people on tumblr. It's antisocial, but I'm still a ball of happy. This is...not the same thing.
It's not that I'm tired. If I close my eyes, I don't fall asleep. I'm not angry. No one has wronged me. I'm not sad. Even though a tear or two leaks out occasionally, I don't have anything to be sad about.
I know that people can't be happy all the time. It's just not realistic. And I embrace what I'm feeling right now. Because I'm not unhappy. Even though I know I can probably force myself to act happy, it seems a little silly to conform this societal expectation that people should be outwardly pleasant all the time, especially when there's no one else around.
So really, I just woke up tossing and turning and don't have a good reason for feeling boneless and antisocial. That's all.
This feeling is different from my "need to recharge" feeling. Recharging for me usually consists of watching fun movies or fangirling over people on tumblr. It's antisocial, but I'm still a ball of happy. This is...not the same thing.
It's not that I'm tired. If I close my eyes, I don't fall asleep. I'm not angry. No one has wronged me. I'm not sad. Even though a tear or two leaks out occasionally, I don't have anything to be sad about.
I know that people can't be happy all the time. It's just not realistic. And I embrace what I'm feeling right now. Because I'm not unhappy. Even though I know I can probably force myself to act happy, it seems a little silly to conform this societal expectation that people should be outwardly pleasant all the time, especially when there's no one else around.
So really, I just woke up tossing and turning and don't have a good reason for feeling boneless and antisocial. That's all.
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