Friday, January 13, 2012

BEDUS Day 5: CuddleSandwichFishlings

At the moment, I am sitting in a low-lit common room with Kelsey. We have come back from reWilding, a Cabaret play billed as "Enter a haunting, a hidden woodland community of memories and mysteries, strange humor, complicated beauty, private stories, and live music." but turned out to be a really weird compilation of homoerotic tension and hidden hillbilly narratives. Again, Cabaret, you have tricked me into thinking I was going to see one thing, but totally changed it up on me. I will say, however, that the hanging doors and the set in general was amazing as usual. A picture in low light:



Yes, that is a baritone and a bunch of chairs hanging from the ceiling.

I ended the night in the company of many of my best friends, Alyssa, Steelsen, Maria, Chelsea, Dana, and of course, Kelsey, just sitting around and talking as friends do, and I am hit with a sense of nostalgia; I don't want this night to end.



Thursday, January 12, 2012

BEDUS Day 4: Daily Theme - Rain

My friend Chelsea is taking a class called Daily Themes where you have to write a 300 word piece every weekday. This is a class I've wanted to take for a long time, but have never gotten around to doing it, partly because I've been super busy, partly because I always miss the deadline to apply, and partly because I fear that my creative juices will run out when I need them most. (It always happens sometime mid-semester and I feel as if my chops for pulling words out of thin air have utterly abandoned me.) However, as I am doing BEDUS, I have decided to challenge myself with some of the prompts, as Chelsea lives down the hall from me and has agreed to pass them down to me. Obviously, I don't have her midnight deadline and I can choose to omit whatever doesn't necessarily please me, or when I have something especially awesome or rant-y to say, I just won't do one. At the same time, I know I won't have the same feedback she gets, but because I know my world is about to get super sciencey, this is a way for me to keep my creative writing self in check (as I mentioned in yesterday's entry). Plus, I won't have to worry if some of my entries are too out there. :)

Prompt 1: Set a scene in which something will happen – or in which something has happened. But don’t say what has happened or what will: allow that to be implied as part of the scene you evoke. The type of scene, actual or imagined, is up to you. From what point of view is it seen? Who sees it? What are the limits of that point of view?

The sky rumbles, almost imperceptibly, as I lie snug under my warm covers. It can't be morning yet; it's still too dark. Where is the sun? The blue of the sky that has greeted me each day since I've gotten back to school? A whisper of a breeze that would have made the leaves flutter now only captures the bare branches in its gust, clicking them against each other, clacking them against the rooftops. I open my eyes a little more and beside me, I see clear green numbers. 9:08. Too early for me right now, though I know somewhere, not too far outside my room, the world has already begun the day.

A lone, burnt orange leaf falls from a tree outside, the last one, and joins his brothers on the pavement below. They're saturated with mist or dew, which collects into pea-sized droplets and reflects the grayness above. It's still a cool white-gray, not dark enough yet, but full of promise. Perhaps by mid-afternoon, when the sky has darkened more, and the nimbostratus clouds have rolled in from the east, when the thunder starts to crackle and the protective pet-owners begin shuttling their cats and dogs and chickens into their homes, perhaps then I will venture out in my red and green plaid rubber boots, my coat securely buttoned to my chin. But I may just wrap myself in a warm blanket, a cup of something warm in my hands and a book in my lap and wait.

Outside, the sky unexpectedly brightens, not with warm sun, just that bright harsh white of the Gothic stories of old, the romance of worn stone belied by the drafts that no doubt ran through the corridors of cold castles. Then, just as quickly, it's dark again, and outside my window, I hear a squeal of indignation. Just some advice: always travel with your umbrella on a cloudy day, friends. 

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

BEDUS Day 3: BAT-RING

Many things happened today and it was a day full of ups and downs, and once again, I realized that stuff actually happens in my life and I feel stuff that happens in my life. Eventually, I reconciled everything that's happening around me and I went to the mall and I got this:

It makes me feel a little epic and to be honest, quite awesome. Bat-ring definitely deserves an up and up.

In general, every time I talk to my advisers, I feel better about life. I feel better about liking the things that I like and don't feel as useless doing the things that I do. I don't feel weird about wearing colorful scarves and nail polish and awesome bat rings and funky boots and hats and dancing and living life. I am reminded of my enthusiasm for life that I feel I will need to keep strong in grad school, and I feel part of the only way I can do that is by preserving the me that I express in my cool shirts and boots and nail polish and lipstick and rings (though of course, some of these things will have to be tempered in lab since it's rather hard to wear gloves with rings...) I have not forgotten my duties, of course, but I am suddenly freed by my need to be stone-faced serious about everything important to me. I believe I can live vivaciously and have an awesome career as a serious scientist, so why not.

Bat-ring, you have tempered the troubled waters of my psyche, and for that I thank you.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

BEDUS Day 2: Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Today, as I was walking to dinner, I passed through the heavy iron gates of my college and I saw two people standing in silence against the low wall next to the gate. She was looking off the to side and he was looking not quite at her, but past her at an angle. If ever silence could be described as palpable, tension as tangible, this would be the reason why. I felt uncomfortable even walking past them, as it seemed very obvious to me that they were having a conversation so difficult they had nothing really left to say. To prolong this relationship would probably be a bad idea, but to just let go was an impossible task. So they stood in the cold, with their coats on and gloves off, not being able to bring themselves to look at the other. Walking past them, I felt as if I were not only intruding on a private moment, but interrupting a tense and prolonged good-bye. But I had already walked through the gate, so I couldn't just turn around and walk back without making things more awkward. So, I pushed through, left them to their break up and had quite a nice dinner with my friends.

When I was walking back to my room, I took the same route, since I had no reason not to. To my surprise (though, in hindsight, not really, since breaking up is hard to do), they were still there, an hour later. They had barely moved. He looked as morose as he did an hour ago, as if he were at a loss; he could see the problems there but did not know how to proceed; she looked like she was sick of his inability to fix all their problems. It seemed as if the hour in the cold had not resolved much but Kelsey and my footsteps seemed to jar something in the couple. Though she had been leaning against the wall, our presence seemed to impel her into action. Abruptly, she left her partner standing by the wall without so much as a word, her boots clicking on the paved stones. He could only look after her, unwilling, and perhaps, unable to follow, as the last vestiges of their relationship trailed behind her.

Monday, January 9, 2012

BEDUS Day 1: Children's Literature

"Children like a fine word now and then." ~ Beatrice Potter
I shopped two classes today, Complex Molecule Synthesis (previously Natural Products Synthesis) and Literature for Young People. I'm taking both of them and they seem so far apart in subject but they both excite me very much. The Literature for Young People seminar was the fastest I've ever gotten into a seminar and Kelsey and I are taking it together which excites me to no end. We basically had story time today where the professor read us some children's books and we commented on their structures and plots. It was especially interesting to me how many "big words" appeared in Amos and Boris, words like "phosphorescent" and "luminescent" and it reminded me of when I first actually listened to the words in Disney songs, little jokes that are there for the adult viewers. You don't remember not being able to understand the song or the story, but when you look at it again, how could you really at age 6 or 8?

Another theme that really intrigued me was that of loss and death. Many times, the idea of something that went away and never came back popped up in a book otherwise fraught with only a single conflict and had a happy ending. I don't remember by childhood books being that way, though when we read Dr. Seuss, I may be taking a more analytic view toward his literature.

There have been many times during my college career where I have contemplated whether it was right for me to go into chemistry, whether I should have stuck to my eighth grade guns and became a journalism person instead, majoring in English. Were that my university had minors. I think I would have become an English minor for sure.

--
In other news, I booked my flight to San Francisco!! SO EXCITED!! (and scared. Wah!)

--
Edit: OMG Kelsey got me a Tardis complete with Sonic Screwdriver. ;D

Sunday, January 8, 2012

BEDUS Day -1: Cleaning up

So BEDUS ("Blog Every Day Until SpringBreak") officially starts tomorrow, but I had some time and I was doing some cleaning and unpacking while rocking out to ALL CAPS/Ministry of Magic (I'm absolutely obsessed with "World of Warcraft Ruined My Life" and "Lily" at the moment). It has suddenly hit me that this is my last semester of college and excuse my language, but that scares the frack out of me. I know I'm going to be going to school for the next couple of years, but I've always surrounded myself with friends with kooky personalities and diverse interests and soon, I'm going to be around chem nerds ALL THE TIME.

[[Disclaimer: many of my friends are chem nerds, so I guess that wouldn't be too different, and I myself, am a chem nerd, so it's not like I'm prejudiced or anything, but it seems weird to suddenly be confining myself to one area of study for the next four or five years.]]

"But Angela, aren't you already doing that with your major?"

Yes, but in college, I also took classes about music, language, food, the performing arts, philosophy, and sexuality and I'm scared to give that sudden freedom up. I'm never going to have the opportunity to browse through these awesome classes, pray that I get into the cool seminar that I want, and coffee it up with my professor who's helping me write a play. I know graduate school isn't necessarily the "real world" yet, but it feels more real to me than anything I've known so far. It's a scary concept. Exciting, but terrifying.

That's probably why I don't want to leave the safety net of my room today, and why I've been spending so much time cleaning and organizing. I've always been a little bit afraid of change, and the one that's coming is going to be huge. Writing it down here makes it seem all the more real, and as I sit, on my still unmade bed snuggling up to my monkey snuggie, I feel my heart beating faster, the blood pounding in my ears. It's the feeling you get right before you say "I love you" for the first time, before you press the "submit" button for an application, before you jump of a mountain on a hang glider. I just have to push past that tiny, paper-thin barrier of change-phobia, and everything will be fine.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Blog Every Day Until Spring Break?!?

So I've been a little inspired to do this thing where I blog every day for a period of time. People have done VEDA (Vlog Every Day in April), BEDA (Blog Every Day in April), Vlogust (Vlog Every Day in August), Vlogmas (Vlog Every Day Until Christmas), etc. And of course, the Shaytards do vlogs every day, although when Kelsey and I tried it this summer, it proved to be really hard because we didn't have the timing right and were looking to do too many creative things and only had this tiny space in which to do things. Plus, we were working long hours.

But! This is my last semester of college, and, the other day when I read my diary out loud to the world, I realized that I'd like to have that for this semester, since I've been terrible at blogging in the past unless I had a set incentive. This, of course, is just a thing for me, collecting my thoughts in a place where I can write relatively quickly and put down my thoughts in a nice format, and maybe include pictures of my life?!? Wow! Speaking of pictures, here's one of me sitting right now in JFK airport waiting for CT Limo to come pick me up. The time is 5:44 AM. I've already been waiting for 30 minutes and am looking to wait another 1.5 hours.


I look altogether too happy for 5:44 AM, but I have to stay awake until my driver comes or I'll never make it back to school! Planning on taking a nice long nap in the car.

But yeah! Although it would be great if I could blog every day this semester, that seems like an awful long time commit to, so I thought I'd give myself the option of going until spring break (March 2), and seeing where I go from there. I recognize that many of the days, I might not have much to say, because I'll be super busy this semester with grad school stuff and everything, but what better way to document this journey than to blog about it? I have downloaded Blogger onto my iPhone, so I can conceivably blog even when there is no internet! I may even vlog some of my days but it's much harder to vlog then blog because of the editing involved, as I saw this winter.  


So what shall I call this journey of mine? BEDUS? I kinda like it, except it sounds like "bed us". Maybe I can pronounce it Bey-DOOS.

Well, that's all for now. Time to spend some more time waiting for the CT Limo guy to come. Resist the urge to fall asleep!!

Sleepytimes,
Angela