And I have stable employment for the next 2-4 years.
:D
:D
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Monday, March 24, 2014
Pendulums
T-2 days until my PQE, and I am feeling many things. Primarily, right now, sore because I brought my bike down yesterday and rode it places and my butt is definitely feeling it today.
But actually, in the last week since I turned in my proposal, my mood has fluctuated wildly between extreme apathy and extreme panic.
--
Example of extreme apathy:
I genuinely just want to get this over with. Let them ask me anything. I'm ready. I'm so ready that I'll spend a couple of hours watching LM and LJ play Smash Bro. so they can re-unlock all of the characters/lands before our party on Friday.
Example of moderate panic:
Because I did my practice talk three weeks ago, I've generally had a good idea of what I want to say, and have edited my paper and my talk accordingly, but have continuously found new pieces of information in my studying that bring up bubbles of panic. How do I incorporate this new piece of information? Does it make my project better or harm it? Should I even include it? Will my committee know to ask about it and should I make a contingency slide just in case? If I don't include it, is that lying by omission and can I even do that?
Example of extreme panic:
holy crap there is so much information to know how can i possibly know everything i am so overwhelmed and then there's this new thing how didn't i think of this before omg this changes everything i can't handle myself i can't possibly make slides for all of this are they even going to ask about it anyway who am i kidding they know freaking everything even if they don't know anything about my work and i didn't include it in my paper god i should have included it in my paper cryyyyyyyyyyyy
--
After I turned in my paper, I felt a sense of relief. All I need to do now is give a talk based on my proposal, right? Everything is now set in black and white, Arial size 12, margins 0.5 inches. It's in pdf form for goodness sake. No more changes. But when you're at the frontier of a scientific field and things are always changing, it's difficult to keep up with everything that's being published, especially things that are at the periphery of what you're studying (related, but just barely), and things slip between the cracks. And then you find them and your whole world shifts. Sometimes, it can be great. Like when you're stuck on your project and all of a sudden, a light. <<Of course! How did I not see that before!? This changes everything!>> But when it's three days before the exam that's going to define whether or not you continue being a graduate student, that excitement can devolve into panic. Major panic.
Luckily, the pendulum always swings back and eventually, everything reaches equilibrium, that happy medium where the manic force from the panic collides with the bonelessness of apathy to create a calm, motivating serenity. I'm not quite there yet, still vibrating rather strongly on the side of panic, but I think I'm getting there. We'll see in 2 days.
But actually, in the last week since I turned in my proposal, my mood has fluctuated wildly between extreme apathy and extreme panic.
--
Example of extreme apathy:
I genuinely just want to get this over with. Let them ask me anything. I'm ready. I'm so ready that I'll spend a couple of hours watching LM and LJ play Smash Bro. so they can re-unlock all of the characters/lands before our party on Friday.
Example of moderate panic:
Because I did my practice talk three weeks ago, I've generally had a good idea of what I want to say, and have edited my paper and my talk accordingly, but have continuously found new pieces of information in my studying that bring up bubbles of panic. How do I incorporate this new piece of information? Does it make my project better or harm it? Should I even include it? Will my committee know to ask about it and should I make a contingency slide just in case? If I don't include it, is that lying by omission and can I even do that?
Example of extreme panic:
holy crap there is so much information to know how can i possibly know everything i am so overwhelmed and then there's this new thing how didn't i think of this before omg this changes everything i can't handle myself i can't possibly make slides for all of this are they even going to ask about it anyway who am i kidding they know freaking everything even if they don't know anything about my work and i didn't include it in my paper god i should have included it in my paper cryyyyyyyyyyyy
--
After I turned in my paper, I felt a sense of relief. All I need to do now is give a talk based on my proposal, right? Everything is now set in black and white, Arial size 12, margins 0.5 inches. It's in pdf form for goodness sake. No more changes. But when you're at the frontier of a scientific field and things are always changing, it's difficult to keep up with everything that's being published, especially things that are at the periphery of what you're studying (related, but just barely), and things slip between the cracks. And then you find them and your whole world shifts. Sometimes, it can be great. Like when you're stuck on your project and all of a sudden, a light. <<Of course! How did I not see that before!? This changes everything!>> But when it's three days before the exam that's going to define whether or not you continue being a graduate student, that excitement can devolve into panic. Major panic.
Luckily, the pendulum always swings back and eventually, everything reaches equilibrium, that happy medium where the manic force from the panic collides with the bonelessness of apathy to create a calm, motivating serenity. I'm not quite there yet, still vibrating rather strongly on the side of panic, but I think I'm getting there. We'll see in 2 days.
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Let's talk about today
Let's talk about today and how I actually made it two morning talks at 8 and 9 and stayed awake during both of them and then my PCR AND my gel worked (don't talk to me it took me 103840198 years to get that gel to work right) and I have bands. BANDS! And how I became all nghghghghghghg abut my PI because he actually gives the most awesome talks and I realized that even though I had told people he gave awesome talks before I had only ever had one on one's with him in the past and he's super cordial and helpful in meetings but also laid back but when he's giving a timed talk it's like BAM ELOQUENT and OMG his PowerPoints are AWESOME.
And let's talk about how even though it might seem like I'm in a good mood because I've been drinking coffee, it's actually probably because I put my proposal writing on hiatus while it's making its rounds and I'm actively not thinking about it or reading it and heck no am I even looking at my presentation until after I get my edits back. (Actually, I lied. I totally did some restructuring cause of those FREAKING AWESOME FIGURES I SAW THIS MORNING. Yeah I totally fumbled around for a nonexistent pen and paper and had to take down the reference on my phone so it probably looked like I was all rude but I was taking notes I swear.)
Also, I could sit here and run another PCR and another gel and also do the extraction so I can submit for sequencing tomorrow morning buuuuuttttttttt I'm going to actually go home while it's still light outside and do something crazy like clean or play some music or something.
Oh btw, I was totally mentioned in my PI's presentation. And damn do I want that slide cause it was beautiful.
This has been a ramble courtesy of T-2 weeks until my PQE.
And let's talk about how even though it might seem like I'm in a good mood because I've been drinking coffee, it's actually probably because I put my proposal writing on hiatus while it's making its rounds and I'm actively not thinking about it or reading it and heck no am I even looking at my presentation until after I get my edits back. (Actually, I lied. I totally did some restructuring cause of those FREAKING AWESOME FIGURES I SAW THIS MORNING. Yeah I totally fumbled around for a nonexistent pen and paper and had to take down the reference on my phone so it probably looked like I was all rude but I was taking notes I swear.)
Also, I could sit here and run another PCR and another gel and also do the extraction so I can submit for sequencing tomorrow morning buuuuuttttttttt I'm going to actually go home while it's still light outside and do something crazy like clean or play some music or something.
Oh btw, I was totally mentioned in my PI's presentation. And damn do I want that slide cause it was beautiful.
This has been a ramble courtesy of T-2 weeks until my PQE.
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